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You Know You're From Iowa When...

Vacation means driving through the Amanas or going to Adventureland Actually, Adventureland is a weekend trip... Down South to you means Missouri You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Des Moines" It's not THAT hard. The s is silent. You know the answer to the question, :"Is this Heaven?" The correct answer is not no, not hell no, but FUCK NO! You know where all the Yoders live (or Andersons, or Van den Bergs) Huh? You know what "hawks" and "clones" are Who doesn't? And no, they're not talking about birds or Summerses. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit or vegetable WRONG. Not all of the fairs are named after fruits or vegetables. Just the smaller city fairs. You can locate Iowa on the map ...can't everyone locate their state on the map? You've ever been on a "Geode Hunt" Hey, those were fun. Expecially if you found one that wasn't broken open already. Your idea of a really great tenderloin is when the meat is twice as big as the bun and is accompanied only by ketchup and a dill pickle slice Ick. No. Hate tenderloin. You say "catty-wampus" instead of "kitty-corner" Again, Huh? You've never taken public transportation All the time. You have boiled fish in lye for Christmas Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww. Gross. Never. You know what "uff-da" means and how to use it properly Again, Huh? You know what "Amish Country" is Best apple jelly EVER. The only reason you go to Wisconsin or Missouri is to get fireworks Is there any other reason? *runs* You know exactly where "Field of Dreams" was filmed Haven't a clue. Just know it was here in Iowa. When someone says they are going out for dinner or supper, you know which meal they are talking about *headpalms* You listen to "Paul Harvey" every day at noon. Who? You think of the major food groups as deer meat, beer, corn, and soy nuts. No. Chocolate, Potatoes (fries and chips), Pizza and Soda. You're pulled over and asked by the cop, "Had a little to much to drink, (your first name here)? Nope. Never happened. You own the complete "Dukes of Hazzard" video collection. No, but I did watch it a lot. "Hick" is a style of clothing. Yeah, a loser styler. You can use the words, 'crik', 'holler', and 'skunk weed' in the same sentence. Nope. Just the old people. Your Christmas gift, when you were ten years old was a shotgun (a BB gun if you were a 'townie'). My parents weren't that cool. My cousin though... You know someone personally who is involved in meth trade or manufacture. Um, I plead the fifth. Your idea of a party is throwing cans of WD40 in a campfire while you're drunk. Hairspray man. Hairspray! You've been to a rave in a barn. Well, there's not a lot of warehouses around here... You've had sex in the back of a truck ... amid cows. No, but I know someone who did. You know that cows don't sleep standing up. Which is what makes cow tipping so dangerous. You're concerned about the rates of corn growth in Illinois as compared to that of Iowa's. Nope. The only thing we worried about was whether the farmer had a barbed wire fence or not. You listen to Ag Day at 6AM ... two hours after you get up in the morning. More like 2 hours after I get home... You believe that trees in Iowa lean towards Nebraska ... because Nebraska sucks! They do... You know several people who still refer to Japanese cars as "rice-burners." *sighs* Unfortunately. "Styx" plays a concert at the county fair, and people actually show up. The was a few years ago. We're up to Journey and Chicago now. You don't get nervous when you walk into a biker bar (unless you're an Iowa City cop). What's to be nervous about? You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Iowa. No. Never. I'm not that cruel.

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