Operation: This Isn't Going To End Well

So, I was talking with Relly in AIM about a fic I was reading...

Me: This actually came out of someone's brain. And all I can think? Is it's STILL better than Twilight.

Relly: dsfalksdjf;aslkdfja;sdf HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

Me: This is my new criteria:
Does it contain uterus chewing?
Does an adult fall in romantic love with a newborn?
Does it contain sparkly creatures?
Is it written by Cassie Claire?

Relly: zvclaksdfasldkfa;elkfaw;eofiwe;flwkeacldckmdsdl;kfasdfasdf

Me: If it contains one: Mock
If it contains more than one: Avoid
If it contains all four: Prepare for zombies.

Relly: So what you're saying is, we need to keep Cassie Claire from plagairizing the Twilight series.

Me: YES!