![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
leaveoutalltherestsometimes I do die laughing at the things I get in my email from my family.
Subject: Instructions on how to clean your toilet
1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the
water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the
bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both
lids. You may need to stand on the lid.
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises
that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash"
and rinse.
6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there
are
no people between the bathroom and the front door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both
lids.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom,
and run outside where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.
Sincerely,
The Dog
Or,
A mother enters her daughter's bedroom and sees a an envelope with "Mom" written on it lying on the bed. In great trepidation, she tears open the envelope and reads the enclosed letter, her heart in her shoes.
Dearest Mom:
I am so happy; I have eloped with my new boyfriend.
I have found real passion and he is so nice, with his piercing and special tattoos, especially the one with my name in a heart. I just love his big motorcycle, but it's not only that, Mom, I'm sort of pregnant and Yaqui
(that's Swahili for "Warrior Prince") said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the woods.
He wants to have many more children with me and that's one of my dreams. I've learned that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone, so we'll be growing it for ourselves and Yaqui's friends, who will swap for all the cocaine and ecstasy drugs we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray for the science to find the AIDS cure, for Yaqui to get better.
Don't worry about me, Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Some day I'll visit for you to know your grandchildren. Your daughter, Melissa Louise
PS: Hey, Mom, don't freak, none of this is true. I'm at Judy's house. I just wanted to show you there are lots worse things in life than the report card in my desk drawer . . . Love you, Missy
That letter sounds like something I would do....
Subject: Instructions on how to clean your toilet
1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the
water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the
bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both
lids. You may need to stand on the lid.
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises
that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash"
and rinse.
6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there
are
no people between the bathroom and the front door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both
lids.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom,
and run outside where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.
Sincerely,
The Dog
Or,
A mother enters her daughter's bedroom and sees a an envelope with "Mom" written on it lying on the bed. In great trepidation, she tears open the envelope and reads the enclosed letter, her heart in her shoes.
Dearest Mom:
I am so happy; I have eloped with my new boyfriend.
I have found real passion and he is so nice, with his piercing and special tattoos, especially the one with my name in a heart. I just love his big motorcycle, but it's not only that, Mom, I'm sort of pregnant and Yaqui
(that's Swahili for "Warrior Prince") said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the woods.
He wants to have many more children with me and that's one of my dreams. I've learned that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone, so we'll be growing it for ourselves and Yaqui's friends, who will swap for all the cocaine and ecstasy drugs we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray for the science to find the AIDS cure, for Yaqui to get better.
Don't worry about me, Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Some day I'll visit for you to know your grandchildren. Your daughter, Melissa Louise
PS: Hey, Mom, don't freak, none of this is true. I'm at Judy's house. I just wanted to show you there are lots worse things in life than the report card in my desk drawer . . . Love you, Missy
That letter sounds like something I would do....
